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Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them, by David J. Ley
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This enlightening work investigates the history, incidence, and causes of a unique sexual lifestyle pursued by increasing numbers of couples. It is called by many names, and lived in a variety of ways by different couples. The most common terms used to describe it are 'hotwife' or 'cuckold lifestyle.' This sexual practice, a form of sexual nonmonogamy, is distinguished from swinging and polyamory in that the husband rarely seeks sexual contact outside the marriage except for participation in group sex with his wife and other men, while the wife is permitted and often encouraged to pursue unrestrained sexual encounters with other men. The author includes interviews and comments from couples living the lifestyle throughout the U.S., and presents the stories in an attempt to determine the history of this sexual practice and its role in society and in relationships. He explores the psychological, social, biological, and evolutionary underpinnings of this uncommon and socially taboo behavior in an effort to make it more comprehensible to those engaged in the lifestyle and those who are just curious.
- Sales Rank: #1513991 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Rowman n Littlefield Publishers
- Published on: 2009-10-21
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.47" h x 1.06" w x 6.37" l, 1.34 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 312 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
From Publishers Weekly
Clinical psychologist Ley forges into new territory to examine the long-lived, but little-known "hotwife phenomenon." In extensive interviews with couples, Ley discovers educated, successful individuals with strong, healthy marriages in which wives are allowed, and expected, to sleep with other men. These couples demonstrate high degrees of communication and mutual respect while also asserting that the lifestyle, initiated by the wives, has strengthened their marriages. Interviews lead Ley to track the origins of monogamy and the reasons why "female sexuality was constrained in our society and history," including analysis of the term "cuckoldry," the evolution of laws designed to protect the family, and the Madonna/whore dichotomy, alongside the medical and societal costs of keeping women under sexual lock-and-key. Well-written and thoroughly researched, Ley's survey of an evolving marriage lifestyle highlights qualities vital to any relationship, especially honest and consistent communication.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
Consensual nonmonogamy is bursting out of the closet, gaining wider attention from therapists, researchers and the larger public. One particular kind of nonmonogamy, the hotwife/cuckold dynamic, shows how some people express and explore their sexuality by taking a less-trodden path. This book serves as a great introduction – not just in providing some important basic information and a meaningful context, but by emotionally accompanying the reader who might be taking their first intellectual steps in understanding the hotwife / cuckold dynamic or understanding consensual nonmonogamous sexuality in successful long-term relationships. (Richard A. Sprott, Ph.D., executive director of CARAS (Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities))
What is most compelling is not the sexual titillation, found aplenty in this book, but being taken along on Dr. Ley's clinical journey, exploring controversial aspects of sexuality. (Carole Lieberman, M.D., M.P.H., Psychiatrist and Bestselling Author of Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them, and When to Leave Them)
Well-written and thoroughly researched, Ley’s survey of an evolving marriage lifestyle highlights qualities vital to any relationship, especially honest and consistent communication. (Publishers Weekly, Web Exclusive Review October 2009)
Recommended. (CHOICE, April 2010)
Insatiable Wives is an intimate, erudite exploration of the "hotwives" or "cuckold" phenomenon.... The book is well-written and well-researched.... It's engaging enough to be a "beach book" (the cover will get you some odd looks from the next towel over) and substantive enough to serve as an excellent sexological resource after you've shaken the sand from its pages. (Contemporary Sexuality, June 2010)
Ley has written a valuable and important book. Regardless of what your values and preferences may be, this book is thoroughly engrossing and impressive in its thoughtful, disciplined, informative approach. Western culture and psychological theories have led us to think that no man will tolerate his wife having sex with other men, but this book shows that in fact such practices have existed across cultural and historical boundaries. Some men not only tolerate but positively enjoy the amorous adventures of their wives. The mixture of history and science, anecdote, and interview makes this a truly remarkable book. Anyone interested in the range and breadth of human sexual activity, whether from personal curiosity or professional interest, will find this well-written and carefully researched book to be enlightening and entertaining. (Roy F. Baumeister, professor of psychology, Florida State University)
From the Author
I wrote this book in order to better understand the marriages and sexual practices of a unique group of people who choose to engage in sexual behaviors that most societies have condemned and labeled as taboo. Along the way, I learned a tremendous amount about female and male sexuality, and about the integral ingredients of healthy marriages. This book is not about my own sexuality, any more than it is about the sexuality of all men and women, and all husbands and wives. Whether you are interested in this lifestyle or not, this book will change the way you look at sexuality within (and without) a marriage.
Most helpful customer reviews
14 of 16 people found the following review helpful.
Men Who Want to be Cuckolded and Their Complying Partners
By William R. Toddmancillas
This book is actually inaccurately titled, as it is the men who convince their partners to explore multiple sexual partners, with the provision that the men watch or experience vicariously (through photographs, film, or partner's description) the details of these extra-primary-relationship couplings. Thus, the book should be titled Insatiable Husbands rather than Insatiable Wives. In any event, this is a fascinating introduction to an important sexual phenomenon, which is qualitatively different from conventional understanding of what is derisively referred to as "wife swapping," which is informatively explored in Gould's "The Lifestyle."
The book's content is informative, provocative, and even penchant. However, the organization of this material is somewhat disjointed. The chapters could be sequenced in a more logical manner so that understanding builds systematically from one major idea to the next. The chapters on history and literature, for instance, might be presented earlier in the text so that the reader achieves a cultural and historical grounding in the phenomenon before considering its current manifestations and pragmatics.
I am also a bit disappointed that the references are spotty. Most of the key references are documented in the bibliography, but not all. I depend on bibliographies to locate additional pertinent information, and it is a bit of a nuisance to do so on only skeletal in-text references.
However, at the very least this is an interesting, much needed contribution to the sexuality literature and is certainly accessible to the general reader as well as an important reference for specialists.
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
Great research, but poorly structured
By Sandra Roberts
This book was recommended to me by friends. It has a lot of great research, but the structure is confusing. There is repetition in different paragraphs (so that I thought I'd already read them) and I was left with the sense that the cultures are not as homogenous or as easily separated as he implies. I feel that his background as a psychologist has poorly equipped him for what is essentially an anthropological work.
That said. It covers an extensive range of topics and information and is probably worth struggling through for that reason.
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Open Love and Relating: Global Perspectives on the Present and Future
By Serena Anderlini
For those interested in a global perspective on open relating, this is the book to read. Author Deborah Taj Anapol is one of the founders of polyamory as a lovestyle and as a movement. Polyamory, the practice of sharing love and intimacy with multiple partners in open, respectful, and authentic ways, is a style of love that came into being in the United States in the second half of the 20th century. One of its seminal texts is Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits, also by Anapol.
With this new book, the author comes back to assess the progress of the lovestyle and movement. A world traveler who has given seminars and coaching sessions in several continents and regions, Anapol also shares the wisdom acquired from these multiple experiences to assess the reality and possibilities of polyamory on a global scale and in the future. An accomplished scholar and researcher trained in psychotherapy, Anapol offers numerous examples and models about what polyamory can and cannot do for people today.
A well versed interdisciplinary scholar, Anapol also outlines the history, the mythology, and the geography of polyamory here. Knowledgeable yet simple, subtle yet readable, ironic yet truthful, this book is a highly recommended read, with the added pleasure of an authorial voice that integrates charm, style, intelligence, and authenticity.
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